Jack Noseworthy
Joe Dice

Richard Portnow
Gerald Parsley

Tobey Maguire
Al

Amber Benson
Babs Wyler

John Roarke
Phil Donahue Clone / Sam Donaldson Clone / Alan Dershowitz / Ted Koppel Clone / Larry King Clone

Edward Wiley
Mr. Spab

Lela Ivey
Mrs. Spab

Natasha Gregson Wagner
Kristen

Annie McEnroe
Dolly

Virgil Frye
Earl